I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
