when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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