I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
