So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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