feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
