If i come over, it means nothing
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
