Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
