I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
