So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
