My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
