Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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