If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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