At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
