she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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