I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
