If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
