I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
