My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
