dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
