Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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