Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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