So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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