There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
