He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
