We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
