I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
