We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I could fuck to npr.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
