i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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