I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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