Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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