Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
