Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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