Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
