Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
