I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
