3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
