i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
