I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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