Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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