i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
