I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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