You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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