Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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