she woke up with a sticky ear
barbara walters just said penis...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
