She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
