I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
