And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
