im drinking this country out of the recession.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
