I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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