I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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