I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
