do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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