Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
