I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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