...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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