I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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