Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize