i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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