i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
