she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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