Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
