It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
