My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
