it hurts more in the daytime
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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