My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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