So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
