Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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