you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
